John 16:24 (NIV)
I'm so conflicted lately. I feel like I'm not a very nice person. I seem to jump at people, judging people, I feel like they never do enough. But I know deep down I need to work more on myself. What do I do for people? I expect my husband to want to do everything for me, support me, etc. But do I do the same for him. No not really. I'm judgemental, I'm rude, I'm demanding. I want to change. But impulse takes over and lash out without thinking.
I have been reading a really good blog. Her and her husband turned their marriage around and have an amazing respect for each other. I started to look for others to perhaps inspire me to be a better person, a more loving person. Suddenly I felt that I should not be looking at blogs for inspiration but the bible itself. I felt I should read John 16, and when I got to John 16:24 I realized why God wanted me to read this.
Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
I can't change on my own. I need to ask God to help me. I'm not suppose to do this alone. He is there to help me if I will ask.
I focus on being an attached parent. A gentle parent. Why then does my husband get a venomus witch? Doesn't he deserve a gentle wife. I know he is unhappy. I know work is hard. I know money issues are wearing him thin. And I know he's unhappy with his relationship with his daughter. I can't change those things. But I can change the way I behave, so at the end of the day he can say, yes that all sucks, but at least I have a wonderful wife at home who loves me. I know right now he hasn't honestly say those words. I know his home life is just another thing on the list of things not going in his favor.
I need to learn my job here is not to be taken care of, but to serve my family. I also know If I ask, God will provide. I guess I have a lot of praying to do.